You're more "on time" than you'd think...

 Howdy my lovely folks!

I was thinking lately about how I feel "behind" in life, especially since I live in a place where people way younger than me seem to be leagues ahead of me in all aspects of life. This often makes me feel that familiar nagging feeling (you know the one, don't you?) You could be anywhere when it strikes, like in line at a grocery store, or out for a little stroll, then you see "The Perfect Family™" and you get negative thoughts that pop up in the ol' dome. Often these thoughts are questions asking, "why isn't my situation like that?" The rumination begins, then like a snowball rolling down a hill, it becomes that bolder from Indian Jones, rolling right up to mess up the peace you thought you had (sound familiar?) Life is very unfair at times, and part of it feels like God Himself is finding ways to screw you over. I know, I've felt it so often that it's instinct to expect it whenever something goes "right" in my life, but I digress. With these feelings making it feel like life is kicking you when you're down, it's hard to have confidence that things can get better – especially with relationships. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which has family as a main center of our belief system. With so many messages in my faith about getting married and starting a family, it typically feels like I am being asked to run a marathon in a suit of armor. Now imagine getting "in trouble" for not finishing the race fast enough, but the truth I've come to find is it is not so. The philosopher Ceneca once stated "We suffer more in imagination than in reality." and while I don't fully agree with his wording, I am prone to reach the same consensus with his sentiments - the anguishes of our minds far outweigh the reality of our situation, often due to cognitive distortions. In my instance (and perhaps yours?) We tend to use "Musterbation" - a type of "should" statement where we feel like there is a "must" that is being demanded of us, often tied with a rebellious/hostile response from us, and while it's true that the family is ordained by God, and that a family is a divine institution, we yield to the "must" of societal and cultural expectations to "marry young". It isn't uncommon to feel like you're the outlier for not meeting this demand, right? The funny thing is that there is data that shows that the average age for getting married is at around 30 for men, and 28 for women in this day and age, with it being relatively consistent over the years. I would also be amiss if I didn't show a little spite towards those younger couples (because I am a spiteful critter after all) by covering the divorce rate of those who got married younger. What the data says is that there is a "sweet spot", but it definitely isn't age 18-23. What's fascinating is how many younger marriages actually have a higher risk of divorce. The "sweet spot" in question is around the upper twenties to mid-thirties, with divorce rates dropping/leveling out for a bit. Sadly, it would seem that past this sweet spot, the divorce rate does in fact go up again, but don't fret! I reckon we tend to look at numbers and stuff and worry that we've missed out, but the truth is that it's not so because there is a factor we tend to overlook whenever we travel this road of thought: the fact that we are loveable. That's right! You're loveable, even if you don't feel like you are! Why? Because you are! That is sufficient reasoning! Too often we set requirements for permitting ourselves to be loved. We typically have requirements of having a certain income, driving a certain car, or possessing a certain body type, yet we don't realize that our very existence is the only prerequisite to being loved. A beautiful aspect of my faith, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is that we believe in a pre-mortal existence, where we dwelled with our Heavenly Parents, and we were loved just as much as we are now! So really, before you could ever remember, you were known and loved, so don't lose sight of that fact! Why does that matter? Because if you were known and loved that much then and have the intrinsic value of being known and loved now, eventually there will be somebody with the capacity to know and love you with that same depth again! So, keep fighting for that, and remember that you are loved now!