Howdy! I have been thinking about developing/maintaining relationships quite a lot lately, and I have realized a valuable tool that I hadn't even considered – Symbolic Interactionism. I promise I will make it make sense, so just bear with me. If y'all are anything like me, then developing and maintaining relationships is a nightmare – so much confusion and strain. To clarify, symbolic interactionism is basically a theory that tries to explain how things develop meaning to us, as well to society as a whole.
Now let's consider why it is so useful to us! What is a big part of being a part of any social circle or relationship? It's the sense of self that we maintain, and how we perceive ourselves. Without a good sense of self, we tend to be prone to ending up in unfulfilling relationships and situations, even when we don't fully realize it. Think about it! How many times have you found yourself looking in the mirror after a certain interaction and thinking to yourself "how did I end up in this situation?" Part of the answer is symbolic interactionism! Subconsciously we put ourselves where we "feel" we belong, all depending upon our sense of self.
Think about it! We sometimes stick with crappy relationships because we feel like we can't do better, or because they are meaningful to us for some reason or another. That is another aspect of symbolic interactionism – it delves into how something gains meaning to us, and when we're staying in some relationships, it's because we've tied certain meaning to them. Through multiple interactions, we develop a perception of ourselves and what something means to us, and our relationships reflect this fact.
If you look at it, that is exactly how relationships develop – you encounter someone and as you interact with them, they gain a certain meaning to you, for better or worse. As you interact with people, those interactions reinforce or challenge certain behaviors within yourself. Here's an example: Bob was never really one for washing his hands before meals, he just never really understood why it mattered. One day, Bob meets Ashley, and they hit it off – now it's date six and Bob really likes Ashley, but he finds out that she loves cleanliness in all forms. For her, it's a major dealbreaker if whoever she is dating isn't practicing cleanliness. What should Bob do? He can either "stick to his guns" and risk ending this meaningful relationship, which would reinforce his current behavior, or he can recognize that his relationship with Ashely is more important. If his relationship is more significant to him, then he will engage in behaviors that reflect the meaning of that relationship.
Now we reach a new dilemma – what do we do when our relationships reinforce things that we really don't like about ourselves? This is where the sense of self is crucial – a defined sense of self helps us to recognize the direction we want to go, as well as see when we are not going in that direction. Symbolic interactionism is important to know since we have the power to decide where we go, and what kind of relationships we want. We actually have the power to decide what is meaningful to us and reinforce those things. An example I'll give is one from experience. I used to hate going to the gym. I thought it was stupid and a waste of time, but eventually I decided to push through the pain, and I realized that I wanted to be physically fit. It took time, but I realized that what I was doing was worthwhile – that my health was worth something to me, and that it was worth investing that time in. As I changed my framing, my relationship with myself changed, and so did what going to the gym meant to me as well.
As we change what we mean to ourselves, we change the outcomes for that future version of 'us', and symbolic interactionism is a means by which we can address change. As we review who we see ourselves as, and what we want to become, we can have more power to decide what we'll put meaning on, and what we will permit from those around us. My hope is that you will be enabled to develop a self-image that screams "I love who I am" so that you can better pursue the life you are desiring. Love life – don't just "endure" the cards you've been dealt – you're worth so much more than that.
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