Addressing Pornography

 Howdy again my friends, I hope all is well with you and that life is going alright for you. Honestly, today I would like to talk about a more sensitive topic, and I would like to avoid mincing words and beating around the bush about it. The topic in question is that of pornography, and I know that it's apparently controversial to oppose it, yet that's exactly what I'm doing. Now, I am not doing this to judge anybody – that's not what I am here to do. I'm not oblivious to how hard life is, and how we as humans seek an escape from hardship, and dopamine responses are a pretty good escape.

The issue arises when the escape isn't – but actually is a very inviting trap. To quote an old friend of mine, "fresh air in a cage is better than none in a box." We often tend to feel that way, don't we? Like this world is overwhelming and that we have to run – to escape the discomfort of reality, or we'll die. It doesn't help that media is littered – and I do use litter in the context of trash here – with overtly sexual and pornographic materials. These things feed that "I need it, or I'll die" feeling towards anything sexual and intimate. Now we have to ask – why is that?

Part of it has to do with the fact that we live in an isolating world where technology replaces so many human interactions that we tend to be malnourished in intimate connection. This is followed by a subliminal message in the media that to truly "belong", you need that sensual yet transactional relationship that is somehow both committed yet free-range. Like, how the hell is that supposed to work? It doesn't, that's how. That's the trick of it – the media creates the dissonance, then gives an avenue to "escape" that dissonance. That avenue doesn't gravitate towards deep, meaningful and intimate relationships, but rather mirrors a cheap consumerism approach that keeps you buying more.

This cycle does so much harm in the long term as it warps our brains to truly think that how pornography works is how real relationships work. This in turn leads to all kinds of harm within the relationships we try to establish, as real relationships require work – not just a quick search and click. So how do we get out of that cycle? That's something I would like to look at with you all. The first step is to accept that the happy brain chemicals feel great – and there is nothing wrong with your brain and body responding positively to them. It's perfectly natural and, when used in the right conditions, a wonderful and beautiful thing – but porn just "ain't it".

The second step is to recognize that you want deep connection, not just a hit of dopamine. Once you realize that shallow pools aren't sufficient to sail to better lands, you must seek that which is deeper. To quote a character from one of my favorite shows, "It's time to look inward and start asking yourself the big question: who are you and what do you want?" — Uncle Iroh. You have to cross analyze your current habits with whom you want to become and then make changes to what you're currently doing to get where you want to be.

The third step is to acknowledge what your habit has contributed to you – both good and bad. You must also accept that you're going to experience feelings of loss and mourning as your brain does not know the difference between quitting this habit and losing a relationship. Part of letting go is mourning that which has been present for so long, and habits are no exception to this principle, so let yourself feel. You're not a villain or horrible for missing something that has been a constant and a support for you, you are human.

The fourth step is to not throw yourself into whatever "feels good" next – you're still wounded after all. Take your time and embrace the discomfort – it will be worthwhile when you persevere and reach the person you want to become. Let yourself grow and find your pace – it will be worth it. I believe in you! Keep pushing out of the pit and eventually you'll make it. Take care until next time my friends.